Sunday, August 15, 2004

I like having a body....

My kid said to me yesterday, "I don't want to die, I like having a body." This, I realize, has been a recurring theme in my conversations and dreams over the past year. Just after India died, I had a dream: We were putting together a show of her work. We choose the black and white nudes and displayed them in a small room. Beautiful photographs of nude female bodies. (many of them me) Then we set up a bed to put India on. Yes, we knew she was dead, but we wanted her body there. People arrived to look at India's body, and the photos of live bodies on the walls. I am focusing on our spiritual connection to our bodies now in meditation, and the subject is popping up in all areas. Seems I have been learning that lesson in full force since my heart almost gave out. Interesting that my daughter is able to bring it all down to a basic feeling: I like having a body. Oh, I do so enjoy having a body. Even this one with the flawed heart. A few in-body experiences that I've thoroughly reveled in recently: a hot bath, the smell of chamomile and rosemary, the feel of my daughter's hair, the color of the red maple leaves, walking in the rain, creme brulee, listening to Lila Downs, using my hands to create stuff, reading Sandra Cisneros, seeing a moonflower open, amazing sex, hearing my husband and kid singing a made-up song, the feel of clean sheets, grilled salmon, soft puppy ears...... I am getting better at staying in the present moment.


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